What is the Christian fundamentalist version of Fatwa? If I were
Christopher Moore, I'd be checking that out. This irreverent
version of Christ's life in the years between his birth and the
Sermon on the Mount is sure to set some blood to boiling, just as
surely as it will provoke audible belly laughs in others.

Count me among the laughing-out-loud. Two thousand years after
Christ, the angel Raziel gets "dirt-duty" again --- this time to
raise up our narrator Levi, also known as Biff, to write his own
Gospel. They hole up in a hotel room where Raziel gets hooked on
television soaps and Biff tells the story of his lifelong devotion
to his friend Joshua (Jesus, he tells us, is the Greek translation
of the Hebrew Yeshua).

The two boys share common childhood delights. They enact Bible
stories. "'THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!' Joshua shouted. 'You're
supposed to try to break the door down, then I will smite you
blind.'" And no matter how many times a lizard is smashed with a
rock, Joshua has only to put it in his mouth to make it whole again
--- how cool is that? One day they meet a scrappy new girl in town
named Maggie and promptly lose their hearts to her. Already at age
10 they're expected to apprentice for a trade, and they choose to
learn building from Biff's father.

"Did you know that --- about not being able to build on sand?"
Joshua asked.

"Of course, my father's been talking about it for a long time. You
can build on sand, but what you build will fall down."

Joshua nodded thoughtfully. "What about soil? Dirt? Is it okay to
build on that?"

"Rock is best, but I suppose hard dirt is good."

"I need to remember that."

Despite Joshua's ability to heal, he has doubts about his destiny
as the Son of God. Biff and Joshua conceive a plan to visit the
three Wise Men who attended Joshua's birth, thinking maybe they can
point Joshua in the right direction. Maggie's engagement to a rich
lout named Jakan hastens their departure. The boys travel from the
desert caves of Afghanistan to India and the Himalayas. They manage
to find all three Wise Men, staying years with each, learning the
precepts of Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism, and some really boffo
ancient Chinese magic. Joshua has gotten the impression that he is
not to know women, so the two young men trade knowledge --- Joshua
from the Upanishads, and Biff from the Kama Sutra:

The Kama Sutra sayeth:

When a man applies wax from the carnuba bean to a woman's yoni and
buffs it with a lint-free cloth or a papyrus towel until a mirror
shine is achieved, then it is called "Readying the Mongoose for
Trade-in."

But I don't want to give the impression that this book is without
reverence for Joshua and his teachings. Biff gives a succinct
outline of what the adult Joshua taught. It begins with "Be nice to
everyone, even creeps." After they return to Jerusalem and Joshua's
fate becomes apparent to him and his followers, Biff's practical,
protective love for his friend becomes increasingly touching.

I'm impressed by the author's humor, inventiveness, and bravery in
taking on this story. His dialog sparkles with sarcasm and wit. In
the book's Afterword, he cites the research he did and reminds us
that the book is, after all, a made-up story. It's clear to me that
Mr. Moore is working from a deep respect for Christ, despite all
the wisecracking.

I think truly evolved people can laugh at what they love. Just
don't include me in the Fatwa.