Ad Hudler

BIO

I grew up on the High Plains of Eastern Colorado, in a four-generation newspaper family. I started cleaning toilets and sweeping up around the presses when I was nine and started writing for the paper when I was in my mid teens. My mother was the only feminist in Eastern Colorado, and early on she had us boycotting products that were endorsed by anyone who spoke out against the proposed Equal Rights Amendment. My fiction often features strong women, no doubt attributable to my mother's influence.

From there, I studied art history and journalism at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln and, after graduating, got my first job with the newspaper in Fort Myers, Florida. I was a lowly reporter when I met my wife Carol, the advertising director and a Kansas native. Eight years older than me and in management, she was forbidden fruit, but I was inexplicably drawn to her and began to pursue in earnest.

We married, Carol soon gave birth to Haley Joy, and our family began moving across the country (Rochester, New York; St. Paul, Minnesota) as Carol trained for her dream job of newspaper publisher. I stayed home with our daughter and wrote freelance magazine articles.

Carol landed her first publisher job in Macon, Georgia, and it was living in this beautiful, quirky city that first inspired me to write fiction. We've since returned to Fort Myers, where we live in a 1951 ranch-style home on the Caloosahatchee River. Carol is publisher of the paper where we met, and I'm still the primary caregiver of the family. I try to get my writing done while my daughter's at school. Fiction writing and housework complement each other well; one is brain-intensive, the other is brain-dead, and after struggling on a paragraph for twenty minutes, folding the white load provides a welcome respite.

© Copyright 2010, Ad Hudler. Used with permission of the author. All rights reserved.

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INTERVIEW

October 3, 2008

Journalist, author and stay-at-home dad Ad Hudler recently published his fourth work of fiction, MAN OF THE HOUSE --- the sequel to the critically acclaimed HOUSEHUSBAND. In this interview with Bookreporter.com's Carol Fitzgerald and Wiley Saichek, Hudler discusses the book's hugely autobiographical elements and explains how --- despite his initial hesitation --- the act of blogging aids his writing process. He also gives his two cents on gender stereotypes, offers advice to fellow househusbands and shares details on his next undertaking, which is humorous essays.

Bookreporter.com: What made you decide to revisit the Menner family (introduced in HOUSEHUSBAND) after so many years?

Ad Hudler: Honestly, I’d been writing a different novel when I was talking with my editor one day, and she made the mistake of asking me how things were going in my life --- and things were not good at the time. It was hurricane season. Our house was under renovation. My daughter was going through puberty and was very moody at the time. Ditto for my wife, but with menopause. My editor said, “Sounds like a sequel to HOUSEHUSBAND to me.” And I agreed. The book is hugely autobiographical.

BRC: HOUSEHUSBAND was written solely through Linc's point of view, while MAN OF THE HOUSE presents viewpoints from multiple characters. Why did you decide to take this approach? What was the most challenging part of writing this way?

AH: Well, Linc undergoes a metamorphosis, and I couldn’t show this if I was stuck in his voice. I couldn’t have Linc talk about this metamorphosis because he himself doesn’t understand it. I needed other characters, those people who were close to him, to observe his actions and comment on his transformation.

BRC: MAN OF THE HOUSE brings to light a number of gender-related stereotypes. As a househusband yourself, what was the most difficult stereotype to overcome? What advice do you have for fellow stay-at-home dads who may be facing some of the insecurities Linc --- and possibly you --- felt?

AH: You know, the stereotype of a stay-at-home dad being a pansy and not wearing the pants in the family just isn’t true anymore. I haven’t felt self-conscious about this for years, though I certainly did when I started 18 years ago. There are way too many of us now, and the world has learned through media exposure that we are regular guys … not emasculated weirdoes.

My advice to new stay-at-home dads is not to lose your maleness. It’s very easy to do because the majority of stay-at-home parents are moms, and you subsequently find yourself playing by their rules … but don’t smother that male side just to fit in. I give the same advice to my wife, a corporate executive in a male-dominant work culture. I remind her to lead using her best female traits (consensus building, etc.) because those are what work best for her.

BRC: Without spoiling anything for your readers, how closely does Linc's journey in MAN OF THE HOUSE mirror your own experiences?

AH: Linc’s journey, simply put, is my journey. Almost exactly, all the way down to the work boots and the power-lifting. I have undergone such a transformation that people who haven’t seen me in two years do not recognize me.

BRC: What is your personal favorite household chore, and which do you despise?

AH: Favorite is doing laundry. I have a nifty front-loading washer, and I am fascinated by its seemingly random rhythms. Most-despised chores: dusting and emptying the cat box.

BRC: How do you come up with all of the eccentric characters in your novels, such as MAN OF THE HOUSE's Jessica?

AH: Most of the eccentric characters in my novels are delusional liars in some way. I’m a liar myself --- and I’m very good at it --- so I’m wondering if creating these characters is a way to examine why and how I lie.

BRC: Do you make constant notes for your books thinking, “I can use that”? Do you outline before you start writing?

AH: Yes, CONSTANT notes, especially now that I’m blogging every day on my website. I keep a notebook on the passenger seat of my truck. Outlines? If I do make an outline it is only after I’ve written half of the book, after I have let the characters run free so they can define their personalities. If you harness them too quickly by outlining, you affect the plot because much of plot is based on your characters’ personalities.

BRC: Do you hear from many men who are stay-at-home dads? If so, how do their experiences compare to Linc's --- or yours? Has your blog generated discussion from stay-at-home dads?

AH: I never-to-rarely hear from other dads … which brings up one of the biggest differences between stay-at-home moms and stay-at-home dads. Moms network and reach out to each other. I have seen some dad playgroups popping up around the country, but for the most part, men are more solitary in the care-giving role. Maybe we’re paranoid about appearing weak and in need of help. I’m not sure.

BRC: Speaking of blogging, you began blogging on AdHudler.com earlier this year. Did you have any reservations about experimenting with the format? Do you find it is easier to express yourself through blogging or through writing fiction? How do your wife and daughter feel about your "openness" on the blog?

AH: I was resistant to blogging for the longest time. I feared that it would drain my creativity bank. But now that I am moving into humorous nonfiction, I’m finding that the blog acts somewhat like an artist’s sketch pad. It allows me to play with voice and try out new things.

And you’re right to ask about my wife and daughter, because I am very open and honest on the blog. I believe that is my blog’s trademark: frankness. And my readers have been learning about some very personal details of my family. My girls have been pretty tolerant so far, but I’m pretty good at knowing when I’ve crossed the line.

BRC: Have you spent time with book clubs? If so, what have you learned from them? How can clubs contact you if they want to have you on a phone chat for their discussions?

AH: I meet with a lot of book clubs, and I almost always say yes to an invitation because I invariably learn something about my characters or my writing style that I’d never considered. I have a page on my website devoted solely to book clubs, with questions and interviews. They can contact me through links on the “About the author” page.

BRC: Are there plans for us to hear from Linc again? What are you working on now?

AH: In a way, yes, you will hear from Linc again because he, for the most part, is me, and I’ve decided I want to write humorous essays next. Only now I won’t be able to hide behind a character. It’s going to be pure Ad, out front and unfiltered.

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AUTHOR TALK

August 2003

After moving to the "beautiful, quirky city" of Macon, Georgia with his wife, journalist and stay-at-home dad Ad Hudler was inspired to write fiction. In this interview Hudler discusses in great detail the various themes and characters present in his two novels, HOUSEHUSBAND and SOUTHERN LIVING. He also talks about the origin of his first name and the authors who have influenced him the most.

Q: Where does the name "Ad" come from?

AH: My full name is Adrian Wellington Hudler, but I actually got the name by mistake. When my mother was pregnant with me, my great-grandfather and namesake had just died, and my mom promised his wife that, if I were a boy, she would name me after him. The problem was that my mother thought his name was Bill. His wife had called him "Welly", short for Wellington, and people assumed she was calling him Willy. They took it upon themselves to shorten it to Bill. My mom swears she had no idea until they handed her my birth certificate in the hospital, and she quickly truncated it into something she liked.

Q: In both of your novels, food plays a prominent role. You even compare one man to a stalk of broccoli and a scar's shape to uncooked linguini. Where does this come from?

AH: Meal planning is a big part of my life as a caregiver. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen so it's one of the few worlds I know really well. I'm also a sensual person. I especially notice smells. Perhaps I was poisoned in a previous life. Maybe that's why I smell everything first, as does Margaret, my character in SOUTHERN LIVING.

Q: Let's talk about the role gender plays in both of your novels. In HOUSEHUSBAND, Linc is a stay-at-home dad who gets in touch with his feminine side. Many male authors have trouble writing from a female perspective yet you chose to delve deeper still into the female psyche with a book in which the three main characters are all female. What were you thinking?

AH: Women are more interesting creatures than men. Women are more complex. They express themselves better. They're not as linear in behavior and in the way they process information. They are tuned in to subtle nuances. My next novel, however, will be from the white male's perspective. I need a break.

Q: Were there any aspects of writing from a female perspective that gave you particular trouble?

AH: The only parts that were hard for me were writing about makeup and the research I had to do to describe what a female orgasm feels like. I thank my wife and female friends for their candor.

Q: You began your writing career as a journalist, albeit one drawn to offbeat subjects, such as the love lives of lizards and why single shoes wind up on roadsides. What caused you to change genres? Do you find your newspaper and magazine experience help you as a novelist?

AH: I was drawn to fiction because I was home taking care of a child and it was the kind of writing I could do in the wee hours of the morning. Being a journalist has helped me a lot in that journalists are armchair anthropologists. They're taught to scrutinize and look at culture from afar.

Q: One technique you used as a journalist seems evident in both books. You draw the reader an intricately crafted world, created from lots of small details woven into the narrative. What attracts you to them?

AH: I'm obsessed with visual details. At writer's conferences I sometimes even teach a seminar called "Collectively Creating a Character." I truly believe the details people surround themselves with - whether they use an electric toothbrush, the kind of car they drive, what they cook for breakfast --- these things are more telling than what a character will say because frequently what we tell others are wonderful little lies. I like including details about characters because it lets the reader decide for him or herself very slowly what that person is like.

Q: What prompted you to write HOUSEHUSBAND?

AH: I was at a writer's conference, talking in a small group about character development, when the topic somehow turned to potty training. Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by about ten women who were watching me with great interest and laughter. "Your life is hilarious," they said. "This is the novel you need to write first." I replied, "I I do not want to write about my life. My life is Mr. Rogers and Big Bird and folding the red load. Why would I want to write about my life?" Nudged by my friends, I reluctantly agreed.

Q: What research was necessary to write the book?

AH: Life in a woman's world. Period. I complied my research at the McDonald's Playland by my house and in the line at the grocery store and over beers and wine with my good female friends. People have wondered how I managed to portray women's feelings so accurately. The truth is, these feelings were my own. I guess I've learned that many traditional female traits and behaviors, including so-called "women's intuition," are actually survival skills learned on the job.

Q: So are you saying HOUSEHUSBAND is autobiographical?

AH: I'm saying it's emotionally autobiographical. Yes, many of the father-daughter scenes truly did happen --- including that awful one in which Violet tries to hide her poop --- but the plot is fiction, and the character of my wife is actually three people rolled into one. My wife, however, says Linc Menner is Ad Hudler to the bone. I, of course, disagree. I'm a control freak, I'll admit, but not nearly to the degree that Linc is.

Q: If you could give the men of the world an important insight about their wives' lives, what would it be?

AH: Women will not always express their true desires verbally. Be sensitive enough to read their body language and to note patterns of behavior. Also, compliment, compliment, compliment! At least weekly, try something like this: "Honey, I don't thank you enough for making sure I have a clean, starched shirt every day." Remember, men, that your world would fall apart without them.

Q: In SOUTHERN LIVING, you use Bible quotes in a way that might anger some conservative Christians. Was this intentional?

AH: I could not write a Southern novel without including God; he/she seems as omnipresent as air in Southern culture. I must admit I am not a churchgoer. A believer, yes, but I do not believe in divine intervention and I am intrigued at how people rely on the Bible to run their lives and provide solace, and how they often twist the Scripture to fit their own visions of reality.

Q: The tenacious spirit of your two Southern female characters is remarkably strong. Are they based on real people?

AH: No. They are a composite of the Southern women I met while living in Macon. I have much respect for women in general, but Southern women seem especially adept at adapting and thriving, as my characters eventually do. When the smoke of Armageddon has cleared, I truly believe the survivors who crawl from the rubble will be cockroaches … and Southern women.

Q: They say, "The South will rise again." Your book seems to validate this.

AH: The South definitely is rising again, with an influx of corporations and population from the North who love the beauty and the weather. It is rising, unfortunately, with a more Yankee flavor. We have unconsciously quashed numerous local cultures in our homogenized McCountry, and I hope and pray that, fifty years from now, people in Georgia are still asking strangers, "Who are your people?"

Q: Given the fact that you were a stay-at-home dad and primary caregiver while your wife successful scaled the corporate ladder, it's not difficult to see where the inspiration came from for HOUSEHUSBAND. What was it that motivated you to write about women of the Deep South?

AH: SOUTHERN LIVING was actually the first book I started to write. I was inspired by the beauty and weirdness of Macon, Georgia, where we lived for five years. It was the first time we had lived abroad. It was a culture I found fascinating because of its gentility, its attitudes about gender behavior, its openness in discussing racial issues, its food, its plants. I hope to live in the South again sometime.

Q: You're a voracious reader, seeking out esoteric titles and challenging writers. What authors do you find most influential and inspirational?

AH: I like Margaret Laurence, Anita Brookner, Robertson Davies. I have an affinity for Canadian writers. I think they are deeper, more thoughtful. They remind me of the older Russian writers. The books I read are usually more high-brow literature than I'm capable of writing. I would loved to write a book like HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY --- which is one of my favorite books of all time --- but I can't. Not yet, anyway.

© Copyright 2010, Ad Hudler. All rights reserved.

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AUTHOR TALK

April 2002

Ad Hudler, author of HOUSEHUSBAND, gives some insight into why he wrote the book and just how much material is gleaned from his own experiences in this candid interview.

Q. Can you tell us what HOUSEHUSBAND is about?

AH: HOUSEHUSBAND is the story of a man struggling to make it in a woman's world. Linc Menner's masculinity and pride are under fire every day. His journey shows that many of the hazards associated with being a stay-at-home mom --- low self-esteem, a sagging sex drive and a feeling that no one appreciates all his hard work --- are not female-specific. More than anything, I want HOUSEHUSBAND to be a fun read. But beyond that, I want people to ask themselves: What makes a man a man? And what happens when a man takes on a traditionally female role?

Q. What prompted you to write it?

AH: I was at a writer's conference, talking in a small group about character development, when the topic somehow turned to potty training. Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by about ten women who were watching me with great interest and laughter. (They were amused by my very-male way of handling a situation in which my daughter had defiantly peed on the kitchen floor.) "Your life is hilarious," they said. "This is the novel you need to write first." I replied: "I do not want to write about my life. My life is Barney and Big Bird and folding the white load. Why would I want to write about my life?" Nudged by my friends, I reluctantly agreed.

Q. What research was necessary to write the book?

AH: Life in a woman's world. Period. I compiled my research at the McDonald's Playland by my house and in the line at the grocery store and over wine with my good female friends. People have wondered how I managed to portray women's feelings so accurately. The truth is, these feelings were my own. I guess I've learned that many traditional female traits and behaviors, including that so-called "women's intuition," are actually survival skills learned on the job.

Q. So are you saying HOUSEHUSBAND is autobiographical?

AH: I'm saying it is emotionally autobiographical. Yes, many of the father-daughter scenes truly did happen - including that awful one in which Violet tries to hide her poop - but the plot is fiction, and the character of my wife is actually three people rolled into one. My wife, however, says Linc Menner is Ad Hudler to the bone. I, of course, disagree. I'm a control freak, I'll admit, but not nearly to the degree that Linc is.

Q. You talk about female friends, but the book shows Linc Menner at odds with most women because they are suspicious of him. In your own life, what type of woman breaks through and offers a hand of friendship?

AH: Obviously, my best friends are women because they are whom I spend the most time with. Now that I've been in the women's world, I get bored when I talk with most men; they don't discuss things that matter, like human behavior and relationships. Oddly enough, the women who have befriended me are women who are more in touch with their male side. They understand me because there's a piece of me in them. And I understand them because there's a piece of them in me. Basically, we meet in the middle.

Q. How long did the novel take to write?

AH: Three years. And I had to rewrite it three times and revise it another. I'm praying that the learning curve for my second novel is way shorter than it was for the first.

Q. As a househusband, how do you manage to get any writing done at all?

AH: Like Linc Menner, I am very disciplined. After I get breakfast made for everyone and return home from the morning car-pool, I turn the ringers off on all the phones and I write like hell for three to four hours. Then, I have to put on my corporate-spouse and daddy hats and go about town doing my errands - picking up underwear at Target for my wife and hair conditioner for my daughter, and there's always a trip to the grocery store. I've toyed with the idea of making everyone get their own breakfast each morning, but I'm reluctant to give that up. The meal is our special time of the day. I make a great breakfast, and as my daughter and wife eat, I will read from our out-loud book, which sits on a windowsill near the kitchen table. Right now we're halfway through Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

Q. What prompted you to become a writer?

AH: I'm from a four-generation newspaper family on the high plains of eastern Colorado, so I've been writing since junior high school. I always thought, however, that I'd stick on the nonfiction side of things, but fiction is so much fun! I get to make people do whatever I want them to do. This has great appeal to a control freak such as myself.

Q. What writers have influenced you over the years?

AH: This may surprise you, but the writers I love are not comical at all. I have an affinity for female Canadian and English writers such as Margaret Laurence and Carol Shields and Anita Brookner. These women are so great at capturing the complexities and conflicts within the human soul. I also like Wallace Stegner; Angle of Repose might be my favorite novel.

Q. Are the recipes in the book really your own?

AH: Yes. But I rarely cook from a recipe, unless I'm trying something new, so it was a time-consuming challenge to find the exact amounts. I'm curious to know what you think of them. Leave me a note at my website, www.adhudler.com

Q. What is the significance of the passiflora plant in the novel?

AH: HOUSEHUSBAND is a light, fast read-not too shallow (I hope) and certainly not too deep. The passiflora was my one intentional literary device. It is a metaphor, of course, for Linc. Without knowing it, he sees himself in the plant, an exotic that thrives against all odds in an unnatural environment.

Q. Are any of your characters based on real people?

AH: Linc, of course. And Violet. Linc's mother is also my mother. Though my mom has never run away from home, it is her spirit that resides in the character of Carol. I've been surprised at how few people even mention the mother character. She's my favorite character in the book.

Q. How did the mother character come about, and why did you include her?

AH: I needed a device to help set a time structure for the book, and the mother's emails came to mind. I had invented the mother character three years earlier in a short story that I published in a literary journal named Acorn Whistle. I thought the mother would be an interesting counterbalance to Linc's situation. He suddenly finds himself stuck in the life of domestic servitude that she has decided to flee.

Q. In what ways do you think men make better primary caregivers than women?

AH: I don't know if they're any better, just different. I think men are less cautious with their children; they let them take more physical risks. I also think that because men tend to be less patient and tolerant they're not as likely to put up with bad behavior.

Q. Who picks out the bed sheets and wallpaper for your house?

AH: I buy the bed sheets. But we both have to agree on anything larger like wallpaper or furniture. Since my wife has no time to shop, I have to take a Polaroid camera with me when I'm buying a big-ticket item. At night, she gives her thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

Q. If you could give the men of the world an important insight about their wives' lives, what would it be?

AH: Women will not always express their true desires verbally. Be sensitive enough to read their body language and to note patterns of behavior. Also, compliment, compliment, compliment! At least weekly, try something like this: "Honey, I don't thank you enough for making sure I have a clean, starched shirt every day." Remember, men, that your world would fall apart without them.

Q. What is your next book about?

AH: It's the book I started writing before HOUSEHUSBAND. It is the story of three women in Macon, Georgia: A facially disfigured former beauty queen who works as a produce manager in a grocery store, an alcoholic wife of a neurosurgeon, and the daughter of a tyrannical abortion-rights advocate who has just died. These women, all searching for something new, touch each other in ways that one would see only in a Deep South setting.

© Copyright 2010, Ad Hudler. All rights reserved.

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