The Ice Worm

by Mia Thermopolis
 

Everyone knows about the endangered habitat of the polar bear, penguin, arctic fox, and seal: glaciers. But contrary to popular opinion, glaciers do not just support life above and below the ice, but also within the ice.

Recently, scientists discovered the existence of centipede-like worms that live inside glacial ice and other chunks of ice -- even mounds of methane ice on the floor of the Gulf of Mexico. These creatures, called ice worms, are one to two inches long and live off the chemosynthetic bacteria that grow on the methane, or are otherwise living symbiotically with them. . . .*

Only 97 words. 153 to go.

HOW CAN I THINK ABOUT ICE WORMS WHEN MY BOYFRIEND HASN'T ASKED ME TO THE PROM???????

*Mr. Sturgess, the notes Shameeka and I were passing were fully class related, I swear. But whatever.

Wednesday, April 30, Health and Safety

M, why do you look like you just swallowed a sock? -- L

The Bio sub caught Shameeka and me passing notes and assigned us both a 250-word paper on ice worms.

So? You should look at it as an artistic challenge. Besides, 250 words is nothing for an ace journalist like yourself. You should be able to knock that out in half an hour.

Lilly, has your brother mentioned the prom to you?

Um. What?

Prom. You know. Senior prom. The one they are holding at Maxim's a week from this Saturday. Has he mentioned to you whether or not he's, um, planning on asking anyone?

ANYONE? Just who do you mean by ANYONE? His DOG?

You know what I mean.

Michael does not discuss things like the prom with me, Mia. Mainly what Michael discusses with me is whether or not it is my turn to empty the dishwasher, set the table, or take the wadded up tissues down the hall to the incinerator chute after Mom and Dad's Adult Survivors of Childhood Alien Abduction group-therapy meetings.

Oh. Well, I was just wondering.

Don't worry, Mia. If Michael's going to ask anyone to the prom, it will be you.

What do you mean IF Michael's going to ask anyone to the prom?

I meant WHEN, okay, what is WITH you?

Nothing. Only that Michael is my one true love and he's graduating and so if we don't go to the prom this year I'll never get to go. Unless we go when I'M a senior, but that won't be for THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!! And besides, by that time Michael might be in graduate school. He might have a beard or something!!!!! You can't go to the prom with someone who has a BEARD.

I can see that you're very emotional about this. Are you premenstrual or something?

NO!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE PROM WITH MY BOYFRIEND BEFORE HE GRADUATES AND/OR GROWS EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF FACIAL HAIR!!!!!!!!! IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT??????

Whoa. You fully need to take a Midol. And rather than asking me whether or not I think my brother is going to ask you to the prom, I think you should ask YOURSELF something, and that's why a completely outdated, pagan dance ritual is so important to you.

It's just important to me, okay????

Is this because of that time your mom wouldn't buy you the Prom Queen Glamour Gown for your Barbie, and you had to make your own out of toilet paper?

HELLO!!!! Lilly, I would think that you might have noticed that the prom plays a key role in the socialization process of the adolescent. I mean, look at all the movies that have been made about it:

Movies that Feature the Prom as Prominent Plot Device

by Mia Thermopolis

Pretty in Pink: Will Molly Ringwald go to the prom with the cute rich boy or the poor weird boy? Whichever one she goes with, does she really think he's going to like that hideous pink potato sack of a dress she makes?

10 Things I Hate About You: Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger. Was there ever a more perfect couple? I think not. It just takes the prom to prove it to them.

Valley Girl: Nicolas Cage's first starring role in a movie ever, and he plays a punk rocker who crashes a suburban mall rat's prom. Who will she ride home with in the limo: the guy with the Members Only jacket, or the guy with the Mohawk? What happens at the prom will decide it.

Footloose: Who can forget Kevin Bacon in the immortal role of Ren, convincing the kids in the town with the No Dancing ordinance to rent a place outside the city limits so they can assert their independence by tripping the light fantastique to Kenny Loggins?

She's All That: Rachael Leigh Cook has to go to the prom in order to prove that she is not as big a nerd as everyone thinks she is. And then it turns out she actually is, but -- and this is the best part of the whole thing -- Freddie Prinze Jr. loves her anyway!!!!!

Never Been Kissed: Girl reporter Drew Barrymore goes undercover to crash a masquerade prom! Her friends dress as a strand of DNA, but Drew knows better and wins the heart of the teacher she loves by dressing as -- what else -- a princess (oh, okay, Rosalind. But it looks like a princess costume).

And last but not least:

Back to the Future: If Michael J. Fox doesn't get his parents together by the prom, he might not ever be BORN!!!!!!!!! Proving the importance of the prom from both a societal as well as a BIOLOGICAL point of view!

What about Carrie? Or do you not count buckets of pig blood as essential to the adolescent socialization process?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!!!!!

Okay, okay, calm down, I get your point.

You're just jealous because Boris can't ask you because he's still just a freshman like us!

I am making sure you get some protein at lunch because I think your vegetarianism has finally short-circuited your brain cells. You need meat, now.

Why are you minimalizing my pain? I have a legitimate concern here, and I think you need to consider the fact that it has nothing to do with my diet or menstrual cycle.

I seriously think you need to lie down with your feet above your head to get the blood flowing back into your brain, because you are suffering from severe cognitive impairment...

Excerpted from PRINCESS IN PINK: The Princess Diaries, Volume V © Copyright 2004 by Meg Cabot. Reprinted with permission by HarperCollins Publishers. All rights reserved.