Bookreporter.com - ONE AND THE SAME by Abigail Pogrebin

ONE AND THE SAME: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular
Abigail Pogrebin
Doubleday
Memoir
ISBN: 9780385521567

Because most of us will never know what it's like to be a twin, twinship is often seen as fascinating, mysterious and magical. In this captivating book, Abigail Pogrebin blends a memoir of her life as an identical twin with interviews of other twins, along with scientific reporting of the twin phenomenon.

I expected this book to be interesting (and it fully met my expectations), but I couldn't foretell how often it would make my heart ache. Abigail doesn't hold back, courageously revealing the sometimes painful longing she has for more closeness with Robin, her twin, while also discussing the wonderful aspects of their relationship. Although it isn't surprising to learn the strength of emotional intensity in being an identical twin, some aspects of the relationship are a revelation. Abigail tells readers that she has a life partner in her sister, someone with whom she is compelled to share her deepest thoughts and whose opinions she treasures. But there's another side to the coin: Abigail takes on any emotional distress Robin shares with her and is devastated by any spat with her sister. She also is frank about her sorrow in a certain recent distancing in their relationship, one emanating from Robin.

Abigail's personal story weaves between the tales of other twins, as well as interviews with experts on twin relationships. She begins with a meander through a town named for twins: Twinsburg, Ohio. Twinsburg celebrates twins with an annual Twins Day, which began in 1976. Today, thousands of pairs of twins from all over the world attend the event. Abigail, who visited it in 2006, was a bit embarrassed by the sight of many grown twins dressed identically, but she also felt off kilter without Robin. During her visit, Abigail met many fascinating twin couples, including the well-known Ganz twins, who call themselves the "ambassadors of twins." Debbie and Lisa Ganz not only opened a twins talent agency, but they also own the New York City Twins Restaurant, staffed with twin waiters. Abigail marvels that the Ganz sisters have celebrated and elevated their relationship, while other twins she meets at Twins Day have been frank about their romantic and social woes, which some blame on their strong connections with their siblings.

Experts, including psychologists and psychotherapists, contribute their theories about twin relationship pitfalls. Some believe that having a twin --- essentially a built-in best friend --- may delay social development. Feeling complete because of a twin relationship, some theorize, might also hinder a search for romance. In addition, it seems that some romantic partners of twins may feel especially challenged by the twin connection.

One set of twins Abigail interviews is football players Tiki Barber and Ronde Barber. The Barbers discuss their respective strengths and weaknesses. To Abigail, they seem to have the perfect twin relationship with achievements they've attained by helping each other thrive, a solid closeness and separate successful family lives. However, when other twins are interviewed, it is obvious that many have issues with separating from their twins. These problems can sometimes even result in estrangement.

As Abigail continues to research, she attends a twin parenting class, which seeks to instruct couples expecting multiple births. In their turn, mothers and fathers of twins have their say about the experience of parenting two tiny babies, an often overwhelming endeavor, complicated by the higher rate of prematurity. Experts also weigh in on the consequences and responsibilities of fertility specialists in regards to multiple births.

The subtitle of ONE AND THE SAME --- “My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular” --- expresses the theme of the book, a combined honoring of this most intimate bond along with the yearning to be an original person. From stories of heroism told by twin survivors of Auschwitz through a heartbreaking tale of shared DNA resulting in tragedy, this fascinating read is as much of a page-turner as the most exciting thriller.

--- Reviewed by Terry Miller Shannon (terryms2001@yahoo.com)

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