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"I lose before the cards are dealt." That's how Laurie Notaro sees herself in WE THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE PRETTIER: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive. But with this, her fourth book, she definitely is not a loser and "dorky" can be translated to "funny" with very little stretch. Formerly a freelance writer for magazines and family newspapers, Notaro uses some very colorful, non-family oriented language to describe her "dorky" life in this fast-paced series of adventures.
There are rants like "National Stupidity Day" that describes the "brick brained" bimbo who refused to understand why Fed Ex could not trace her package without a tracking slip. No amount of explanation will placate her, and she is willing to argue until closing time and everyone behind her in line is forced to come back the next day.
Others are vignettes, anecdotes and pure stand-up routines. There is even a poignant piece about Mill Avenue in Tempe, AZ before it was converted into a slick, commercial money magnet. She reminisces about when it was a cool place, peopled by ASU students, quirky shops and local eateries.
My favorites are Laurie's "everywoman" observations, like the one recounting the futile boundary talks she has with her mother. "You know there are some things mothers and daughters should never share. Just because I'm back in therapy doesn't mean I'm now a blank slate on which you now can feel free to inflict a whole other lifetime's worth of damage on." And her mother's instructions for her funeral will make you laugh out loud; Mom trying to exercise control even from the beyond.
Many will also relate to the "No Size L" piece where our average-size dork discovers that many exclusive dress shops keep all clothing over a size 6 in the back room, to be hauled out only when a "fatty" requests a certain item. She still has no luck finding anything to buy when all the tank tops on display are the size of panty liners.
Take this book to the beach, and everyone will think you're a dork as you sit there and read with that big smile on your face.
--- Reviewed by Maggie Harding, a substance abuse counselor in Phoenix, AZ who wanted to be Brenda Starr before life intervened. She reviews for www.faithfulreader.com and www.womenonwriting.com. To contact Maggie, e-mail Magster2@cox.net
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