I wrote my first book review for a major publication in 1972. Since
then, I've reviewed important books on topics that span the
spiritual spectrum, from critical theological issues to dastardly
religious practices. But without qualification, I can say that no
book was more important than this one. David Murrow has struck a
nerve that has needed striking for years.

Concerned over the lack of men in church, Murrow began searching
for books to explain the phenomenon. Finding none, Murrow did
research on men and church attendance, religious experience, and
gender-specific behavior. What he discovered alarmed him.

Murrow's purpose, he says, is not to call men back to church but to
call the church back to men. A Presbyterian elder in Anchorage,
Alaska, Murrow writes that the church has become a hostile
environment to men, particularly "masculine men" who are
uncomfortable in the feminized atmosphere of the typical church.
From the décor to the rituals, the ministry opportunities to
the language, churches are designed to appeal to their greatest
constituency --- women. Though the top leadership is often male,
women constitute the backbone of most churches, representing more
than 60 percent of the membership and even more of the volunteer
force.

Men, Murrow writes, want an authentic faith experience but find
church services to be boring and irrelevant (and a whole lot of
women say "Amen!"). As one observer noted, men have nothing real to
do at church except serve as ushers --- which at least gives them a
chance to move around. They want to be challenged, but they're only
challenged to be good husbands and fathers. "If we want to shed our
reputation as a place for little old ladies of both sexes, we must
recapture the challenge of following Jesus," Murrow writes.

One section provides dozens of practical steps churches can take to
make their facilities and services more welcoming to men. Among
them, in no particular order: Ditch any activity requiring men to
hold hands or share their needs with someone they hardly know;
develop adventurous, risk-taking opportunities and hands-on
projects; emphasize Jesus' aggressive, masculine attributes; become
educated about the psychological characteristics and needs of men
(an excellent portion of the book); shorten the length of the
sermon. "Just who decided that the lecture-style sermon was the
best way to teach people about Jesus?" Murrow asks. "According to
many studies, a long, uninterrupted monologue is the least
effective way to teach people anything!"

Now to the women and another reason why this book is so important.
Statistics show that more than 20 percent of married women attend
church without their husbands. I know those women well; I've been
one of those women. They feel alone, abandoned, ashamed,
embarrassed, angry, envious, ineffective, and guilty, for starters.
Ask a woman where her husband is or why you never see him at
church, and the guilt and shame rise to the surface. She may
stammer, roll her eyes, and offer an excuse, but inside her head
she's thinking, "I don't try hard enough to get him to come. I
don't pray enough for him. I'm not a good Christian."

Those women need this book and soon. They need to understand why
men refuse to go to church, and there's no better resource than the
section on "Understanding Men and Masculinity." They'll discover
why it's impossible for many men to enjoy church, which is why the
church has to change rather than the men. Instead of getting angry
at their husbands for "shaming" them, wives can breathe a sigh of
relief, realizing it's not their fault.

I know, and I'm sure the author and publisher know, that some
people will read the book through a sexist grid. But if you
maintain an open mind and an appreciation for the enormous amount
of research Murrow did, you may see yourself mirrored in its pages,
whether you're a man or a woman. You'll also realize that sexism is
not the issue. The issue is nothing less than the spiritual lives
of many men and the future of many churches.

Few books genuinely qualify as a "must-read." This is one of the
few.