Reading Group Guide
1. What do you think of the way Rodgers uses humor in her memoir? How do we use humor to tell stories about our own lives? If this book hadn't been so funny, do you think it would have been as powerful?
2. Why does Rodgers place so much emphasis on the hair loss she experienced as a result of her cancer? Is baldness merely a leitmotif or does it carry a deeper meaning? How would you feel if you were to go bald because of illness? Would you choose to disguise the condition?
3. "For the first time in my life," writes Rodgers after her biopsy, "my life was at the top of my agenda. . . . Women of my generation don't know what to do with that." Do you or women you know feel that they routinely place the needs of others before their own? If so, why? What are the consequences of this kind of selflessness? And why does it take a disease as traumatic as cancer to force a woman to place her own needs first?
4. Rodgers is honest-often explicitly so-about her experiences: the side effects of chemotherapy, her sex life, her relationships with her children and husband, and her feelings towards others and herself. Does Rodgers's straightforward narrative ever make you uncomfortable? Why do you think she was willing to reveal so much about her private life? Are you this honest with others, or with yourself?
5. What do you think of the way Rodgers interacted with her children during her illness? Should young children be shielded from the more extreme realities of a parent's illness?
6. How did cancer effect the Rodgers family as a whole? What are the psychological ramifications of cancer for children, parents, and the extended family? How might dealing with cancer strengthen a family, and how might it tear a family apart?
7. Cancer profoundly altered Rodgers's spiritual life. She evolved from being a "fair-to-middlin' Christian" to being angry that God had deserted her, to realizing that God was closer to her than ever. "When we can't confine god in a framework of human characteristic, we shroud God in mystery, because the idea of God actually being accessible to us, well, that would mean we are accessible to God. And that's a terrifying concept." What does Rodgers mean by this? Why do we tend to put so much space between God and ourselves? How did Rodgers's suffering change her faith in God?
8. Rodgers writes about an incident in which a young man turns away from a water fountain she has just used, as if her illness were contagious. How does this scene illustrate the stigma and prejudice attached to long-term illness? How do you think you would react to drinking from the same water fountain as a visibly sick woman-or man? What did this incident teach Rodgers about other kinds of prejudice and her own deep-seated feelings about those less fortunate than she?
9. Rodgers decided against radiation after her chemotherapy and included in her healing process visits with a shaman and a naturopath. How would you react if a loved one decided against traditional treatments for his or her cancer? Whose decision should this be?
10. Why do you think Rodgers devoted so much attention to her infatuation with her editor? What do you think the infatuation was really about? Where did the feelings come from, and why were they directed at her editor?
11. Rodgers writes about a friend of hers whose metatastic breast cancer went undiagnosed-despite her insistence that she was sick-and who ultimately died from the disease. "There are far too many cases like Shannon's, partly because many of us are easily dismissed and sometimes even intimidated by our doctors, partly because many of us have been taught to dismiss ourselves." Do you agree with this statement? How does our society discourage women from focusing on own their physical and emotional health? What can, and should, be done to change this?
12. Think about your own experiences with cancer in relation to the author's: how she handled her treatment and its side effects, her fears and anger, her family and support network. What did you learn from Joni Rodgers's story?
13. Rodgers recommends several books about healing and cancer. Would you recommend this book to someone with cancer? Why or why not?