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[9]Mountainview, despite its pleasant name, was one of the tough
areas of Dublin. Some of the big estates were home to drug dealers
and it wasn't a place to walk alone at night. The school had its
ups and downs, but it was lucky enough to have a headmaster, Tony
O'Brien, who could deal with toughness head-on.
Some of the older teachers found the change difficult. Things used
to be different. The place had been shabby but they'd had respect.
The children came from homes where money was short, but they were
all keen to make something of themselves. Today they only cared
about money, and if someone's big brother was driving a smart car
and wearing an expensive leather jacket, it was hard to get
interested in having a job in a bank or an office where you might
never make enough to have your own house or car and a leather
jacket was just a dream. No wonder so many of them joined gangs.
And as for respect?
Aidan Dunne told his wife, Nora, all about it.
Big fellows would push past you in the corridor and sort of nudge
the books out of your hand. Then they would laugh and say that sir
must be losing his grip. Aidan remembered when they would rush to
pick up the books. Not now. Now they called him Baldy, or asked him
if he remembered the First World War.
It was the same with the women teachers. If they weren't married,
some of the really rough fellows would ask them were they frigid or
lesbian. If they were married, they would ask them how
many times a night did they do it.
“And what do you say?” Nora wondered.
“I try to ignore them. I tell myself that they're only
insecure kids like always --- it's just they have a different way
of expressing it. Still, it doesn't make the day's work any
easier.”
“And how do the women cope?”
“The younger ones are on top of it, they say things like,
'Oh, you'd never be able to satisfy me like my old man does,' or
else that, sure, they are gay because the only alternative is
horrible spotty boys with filthy fingernails.” Aidan shook
his head. “By the time I get to the classroom I'm worn
out,” he said sadly.
“Why don't you give it up?” Nora said suddenly. She
taught Italian at an evening class and organized a yearly outing to
Italy for the group. She had several other small jobs, but she had
no interest in money or pensions or the future. She sat in one of
the basket chairs she had bought at a garage sale and tried to
persuade Aidan to join her in this carefree lifestyle.
But he was a worrier. It would be idiotic to leave his school now
several years before retirement date. It would mean no proper
pension; if he were to amount to anything he had to provide for
Nora and his family from an earlier marriage.
“Oh, you've well provided for them,” Nora said
cheerfully.
“You've given Nell most of the money you got for the house,
Grania is married to the headmaster of Mountainview School, Brigid
has been made a partner in the travel agency. They should be
providing for you, if you come to think of it.”
“But you, Nora, what about you? I want to look after you,
give you some comfort and pleasures.”
“You give me great comfort and pleasures,” she
said.
“But some security, Nora,” he pleaded.
“I never had security before, I don't want it
now.”
“I have to finish out my time there.”
“Not if you don't like it. What about this lovely life we
promised each other and we have mainly had?”
“It depends on my having a good safe job, Nora,” he
said.
“No --- it doesn't. Not if it's making you worry, and panic
about these louts. We don't need it, Aidan. Not if it's affecting
your health.”
“It's not affecting my health,” Aidan said
firmly.
A week later Aidan and Nora were in one of their favorite
secondhand bookshops; they were each browsing separately when she
suddenly looked over at him. His hand was at his throat and he
seemed to be having difficulty catching his breath.
“Aidan?” she called.
“Sorry, is it very stuffy in here?”
“No, indeed --- there's a lazy wind coming in from the
canal.”
“A lazy wind?” he asked distractedly.
“You know --- a wind that doesn't bother to make the time to
go round you so it goes through you . . .” Nora smiled.
He didn't smile back.
She was alarmed now. “Is there something wrong?”
“I don't seem to be able to breathe in,” he said.
“Oh, Nora, dear Nora, I hope that I'm not going to faint or
anything.”
“No, of course you're not. Just sit down there.” She
was brisk and practical. First, she spoke to the shop owner.
“Where's the nearest hospital?” she asked.
“St. Brigid's. Is there a problem?”
“I think my husband is having some kind of seizure. Taxi
rank?”
“Don't bother. I'll drive you,” he said.
Nora didn't question it. There would be time to thank him
later.
“Right, Aidan, Dara is giving us a lift,” she
said.
“Where to?” he gasped.
“To somewhere that will help you breathe properly, my
darling,” she said.
And he closed his eyes in relief.
At the A&E in St. Brigid's the nurses moved him wordlessly into
a cubicle. They had given him oxygen and the house doctor had been
called.
“Take off his trousers,” the doctor said.
“What?” Nora was taken aback.
“Please, madam.” The Chinese doctor was very courteous.
“His lungs are flooded, we need to drain the liquid from him,
we have to put him on a catheter . . .”
Nora explained this to Aidan.
“That's extraordinary --- I don't feel as if I need to go to
the loo at all,” he said.
The oxygen was helping. He was much calmer. Nora looked at a huge
container and saw it filling up with what looked like gallons of
fluid.
“How could that happen?” she asked.
“The heart is failing to pump,” the Chinese doctor
explained.
“He is in heart failure at the moment.”
Nora felt all the strength leave her body. The good, kind man that
she adored and who loved her too had a heart that had failed him.
Life as they knew it was over.
In about an hour Aidan felt so much better he was ready to come
home. He was surprised when he heard that they were getting a bed
for him in St. Brigid's.
“But I'm perfectly fine now,” he protested.
Nora went home for his pajamas, dressing gown and a sponge bag. She
remained calm and reassuring on the outside, but inside she felt
that she had lost the will to live.
The next few days passed in a blur: visits from teams of senior
doctors, their younger assistants with clipboards, nurses, carers,
cleaners, trolleys of food. Visitors coming in with anxious faces.
And among them was Nora Dunne, tall, wild-eyed, her long red hair
with its gray streaks tied back with a black ribbon.
She sat beside Aidan's bed and they played chess happily together.
If people had been watching them closely they would have noticed
that they never talked about household things, bills, repairs,
shopping. They didn't talk about neighbors or family or friends.
They just lived for each other. And if people had been watching
very carefully they would have realized that Nora was
behaving like a robot. She was keeping the show on the road for
Aidan.
When he was discharged after a week they talked to him seriously
about levels of stress in his life. When he told them about life up
at the school, the cardiologist advised him to give up the job.
Aidan wouldn't even consider discussing it. He would take his
medication, he would take long rests each day. But he would not
give up his job. It was the only thing he had to offer his wife,
some stability. He had not been a good provider. There had been
other calls on his finances. A previous family. No, in all honor he
had to stay on until his pension was assured.
The medical team spoke to Nora too and found her hard to fathom.
Over and over she said she wasn't remotely interested in
possessions or pensions. They lived in a small and simple rented
flat. She could easily go out to work and make the rent. Their
needs were not great.
“So will you encourage him to retire?” the cardiologist
suggested.
“No, not if he doesn't want to, Doctor. Why should I stand
between him and what he wants to do? Aidan always loved teaching.
He would feel such a failure if we took him out of that
school.”
“Could he not teach at home? Give private tuition,
maybe?”
“No. Aidan doesn't approve of people having to pay for extra
education. We couldn't ask him to go against his
principles.”
“But you are such a strong personality, Mrs. Dunne. I am sure
that you could persuade him.”
“I'm sure I could if I tried --- but it would not be honest
to make him give up what he truly wants to do.”
“Even if it's killing him?”
“But he's going to die anyway, isn't he?”
“We all are, but with care he has plenty of life
left.”
Nora's face was still empty. “A life of fear and anxiety and
thinking that choking will return.”
“We can help him make sure that it doesn't. As sure as can
be.”
“Which isn't totally sure, is it?” Her voice was
hard.
“No, no more than we can be sure that you won't both be hit
by a bus on your way home. But we have a very good record in
keeping people alive and well and in normal life after a heart
attack. Your husband will be in that number. We have referred him
to a heart failure clinic which he will have to attend regularly.
It's a heart clinic attached to this hospital. Patients go there to
be monitored, to have blood tests, check their
medication.”
“And why do you call it heart failure?”
“Because that's what their hearts are doing: failing to work
at the optimum levels.”
“And Aidan has to come here every week, is that
it?”
“To start with, yes. Then as he progresses, less often. He
will find
it a great reassurance.”
Nora was silent.
“Truly he will, Mrs. Dunne. All our research has shown that
it makes people much more confident and positive, which is exactly
what they need at this time.”
“And is it funded by a drug company? Do they do experiments
on the patients?”
“Absolutely not. It is operated under the aegis of this
hospital and we are very proud of it.” He bristled with
resentment at her suspicions.
“I'm sorry, Doctor. To you Aidan is a patient you are looking
after. To me he is my whole life. I'm not thinking
straight.”
“He will need you to think straight now more than ever
before,” the doctor said. Clearly, this woman had to be
brought on board.
“Go to the heart clinic with him, get to know the people
there; you may both get a lot from it.”
For the first time, the tight, pained look left Nora Dunne's
face.
She was a handsome woman, the doctor realized.
“We'll give it a chance,” she said with a hint of a
smile.
Excerpted from HEART AND SOUL © Copyright 2011 by Maeve
Binchy. Reprinted with permission by Knopf. All rights
reserved.
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Heart and Soul