Archives - May 2009
May 1, 2009
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
May 2, 2009
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
May 3, 2009
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
May 4, 2009
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
May 5, 2009
Speeches are like steer horns --- a point here, a point there and a lot of bull in between.
May 6, 2009
No wise man ever wished to be younger.
May 7, 2009
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
May 8, 2009
Do what you can with what you have where you are.
May 9, 2009
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
May 10, 2009
If you think education is expensive --- try ignorance.
May 11, 2009
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
May 12, 2009
The hand that holds the quills controls history.
May 13, 2009
Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you.
May 14, 2009
All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.
May 15, 2009
Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.
May 16, 2009
Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you.
May 17, 2009
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
May 18, 2009
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
May 19, 2009
Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.
May 20, 2009
All music is folk music. I ain't ever heard no horse sing a song.
May 21, 2009
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
May 22, 2009
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
May 23, 2009
When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.
May 24, 2009
They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.
May 25, 2009
The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock somebody else down to feel tall.
May 26, 2009
I'd heard it all the time, 'Live in the moment.' But if I did that, I'd weigh more than a dump truck. Losing weight wasn't about the moment at all; it was about having faith in the future. It was about knowing there would be another meal in a few hours.
May 27, 2009
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One representing danger and the other represents opportunity.
May 28, 2009
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
May 29, 2009
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.
May 30, 2009
The one thing more difficult than following a regimen is not imposing it on others.
May 31, 2009
Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.