May 1st
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
- Doug Larson

May 2nd
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
- Kin Hubbard

May 3rd
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

May 4th
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
- Shari R. Barr

May 5th
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
- Herman Hesse

May 6th
Speeches are like steer horns --- a point here, a point there and a lot of bull in between.
- Evelyn Anderson

May 7th
No wise man ever wished to be younger.
- Jonathan Swift

May 8th
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
- Bob Thaves, "Frank and Ernest"

May 9th
Do what you can with what you have where you are.
- Theodore Roosevelt

May 10th
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
- Peter De Vries

May 11th
If you think education is expensive --- try ignorance.
- Derek C. Bok

May 12th
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
- Kurt Vonnegut

May 13th
The hand that holds the quills controls history.
- Charles L. Blockson

May 14th
Dreams are illustrations…from the book your soul is writing about you.
- Marsha Norman

May 15th
All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.
- Brendan Behan

May 16th
Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.
- Gertrude Stein, EVERYBODY'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

May 17th
Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you.
- Mary Bly

May 18th
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
- Erma Bombeck

May 19th
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin

May 20th
Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.
- Doris Lessing

May 21st
All music is folk music. I ain’t ever heard no horse sing a song.
- Louis Armstrong

May 22nd
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

May 23rd
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
- Don Marquis

May 24th
When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.
- Dom Hélder Câmara

May 25th
They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

May 26th
The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock somebody else down to feel tall.
- Odetta

May 27th
I'd heard it all the time, 'Live in the moment.' But if I did that, I'd weigh more than a dump truck. Losing weight wasn't about the moment at all; it was about having faith in the future. It was about knowing there would be another meal in a few hours.
- Stephanie Klein, MOOSE

May 28th
When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters. One representing danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

May 29th
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

May 30th
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.
- Robert Orben

May 31st
The one thing more difficult than following a regimen is not imposing it on others.
- Marcel Proust