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Interview: October 31, 2003

October 31, 2003

Kim Green, author of IS THAT A MOOSE IN YOUR POCKET? answers's Chick Lit Twelve: Questions that give readers insight into these authors. Read on as Green talks about her favorite time of day, her worst job ever, and her two most memorable dates (we think you'll especially love her recounting of The Ankle Incident).

BRC: What is your secret vice?

KG: My first inclination is to say cheese, but that's actually a pretty poorly kept secret. My true secret vice is probably entertainment news shows: Entertainment Tonight, E!, Extra --- take your pick. My family knows to steer clear when I'm watching "the news."

BRC: What is your favorite time of day?

KG: Early morning. No question. I love the feeling of being up when the rest of the city is still sleeping. In fact, I wrote my first manuscript largely through 5:00-7:00 a.m. writing sessions before work. My thoughts feel sharp and clear at that time, which is good, because I'm a total vegetable by 2 p.m.

BRC: How do you indulge yourself when you need a pick me up?

KG: Massage. Glossy magazines. Good beer.

BRC: What was your most memorable date (good or bad)?

KG: Two dates come to mind. The first was more of a non-date, since I was stood up. The perp was a drop-dead gorgeous Surinamese-Dutch bartender I met while living in Amsterdam. His name escapes me. We'd gone out once before and had a decent conversation over dinner. I remember wondering how he came to ask me out in the first place. It's not that I believe in different social leagues per se; rather that the man's peripheral vision did not extend past the behind-the-bar mirror. The reason the non-date stands out in my mind is that it made me realize that you have a great deal of control over how you deal with rejection, with how much you let it bother you. I remember standing in the Leidseplein --- a busy square --- in the rain as the time passed and thinking, well, maybe there's something in English on TV tonight. Then I left a rude message on his voicemail and felt a little giddy, because I knew I had carved another notch in my risk-taking belt.

My other most memorable date was also something other than the dinner-and-a-movie variety. For about six months, I'd developed a friendship with a guy at work. We had a great rapport, and I thought he might be attracted to me, as I was to him, but it seemed risky to take the next step. One day we brought our lunch to the park and talked about this and that. At one point, he reached out and placed his hand on my ankle. I felt drunk and irrationally happy, like it was a good omen. It took us several more months to acknowledge our feelings, but The Ankle Incident, minute as it was, convinced me we were meant to be together. Gabe and I got married several years later. Our daughter, Lucca, was born in September.

BRC: What do you appreciate most in your friends?

KG: That they prefer the company of good women to bad men. Their ever-so-slightly mean, proprietary sense of humor. Their love of cheese. Their disdain of low-carb diets. And that they appreciate me back.

BRC: What woman in history do you admire the most?

KG: Margaret Bourke-White, one of the world's first photojournalists, if not the first. She was also the first female war correspondent.

BRC: What was your worst job?

KG: Oh, this one is easy: Easter Bunny at the mall. I had to wear a claustrophobic fur suit and a giant rabbit head. Children sat on my lap and had their photo taken. Some of them brought me carrots; others peed on me. Most of them screamed and writhed. One day, I shifted my head so I could peer through the mask's mouth and see better. The boy on my lap kicked me and shrieked, "You're not the Easter Bunny!" I hope his mom got him some therapy.

I also telemarketed postal exam preparation videos for a fundamentalist religious fanatic and pulled a stint at Honeybaked Hams, but, yeah, the Easter Bunny was the worst.

BRC: What would your theme song be?

KG: I have to confess that I wracked my brain to come up with something unembarrassing, but for some reason all that comes to mind are "Boy Meets Girl" by Haircut 100 and "Borderline" by Madonna. Oh, and "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green. Does that redeem me?

BRC: What is your favorite quote?

KG: If you find yourself in hell, keep going.

BRC: If you weren't a writer, what career would you choose?

KG: Foreign aid or NGO worker.

BRC: What actress would you want to play you in a movie?

KG: It's a tie between Drew Barrymore, Janeane Garofalo and Lily Taylor.

BRC: What scene in your book are you most surprised you wrote?

KG: The morning-after sex scene between Jen and Bruce, in which she reflects on how much she likes sex doggie style. For some reason, it only occurred to me much later that people assume first protagonists of first novels are autobiographical.