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INTERVIEW
October 20, 2000
When Carol Fitzgerald --- Bookreporter.com's founder and president --- picked up DEAR
STRANGER, DEAREST FRIEND off our infamous "book table," she had no idea how much
it would affect her. Neither did Writer Jana Siciliano --- both readers loved the book
with a passion that inspired a long list of in-depth interview questions. Luckily for us,
author Laney Katz Becker was as adept at answering as she is at writing novels. Join us
for this very special interview with an author who has touched our hearts with her
poignant email memoir about breast cancer. Once you read our feature, take a look at
Laney's own website, www.dearstranger.com.
BRC: How old were you when you were diagnosed with breast cancer? How long
have you been a survivor? Who found the lump: you, your doctor? Is there a
history of breast cancer in your family?
LKB: You know what makes this an ideal first question?
It gives me the chance to let you know right away that my breast cancer experience is told
through the character of Lara. What happens to her in my novel is almost identical to what
happened to me in real life: I was a month shy of turning 39. I had just gotten out of the
shower and was standing naked in front of the mirror combing through my
hair. (In the book Lara is blow-drying her hair, which I would never do since
my hair would just frizz and look revolting.) But all joking aside, the important facts
are the same...the fact my gyno didn't feel the lump until I told him about it...the
botched biopsy...the fact that there's no history of breast cancer in my family. Since the
book was scheduled to come out four years after my surgery I did feel a responsibility to
change a few of the medical facts/procedures so the book would be medically clear,
accurate and up-to-date when it hit the shelves.
BRC: Readers do not find out that you are a breast cancer survivor till the Afterword
of the book. When did you decide that you were going to write the book? Did you scrawl
notes during your own surgery and treatment, or did the idea come later? Why -- once you
decided to write about it -- did you choose to tell your story as a work of fiction
instead of as a memoir?
LKB: When I was going through surgery and treatments I
didn't keep notes or a diary. Wait. That's not true. I jotted down questions and answers
when I visited my doctors, but that wasn't because I was planning to write about my
experiences; it was solely because I had so much on my mind it was the only way to
remember anything. (I can't tell you the number of times I drove to the gym planning to
work off some nervous energy only to leave the gym unable to remember where I parked my
car. I know, you're thinking, 'I've never had cancer and I do that, too.' But it's not the
same. Trust me.) However I do believe that in the back of my mind I always knew I'd write
about my experiences, but I was thinking along the lines of a few magazine articles ---
never a novel. And then one day a magazine editor got me really frustrated and I was
bitchin' up a storm about her to my husband who suggested I might be happier if I had more
control over my writing. He pointed out that both kids were finally in school full time
(YES!) and suggested it might be time for me to write a book. See, timing really is
everything.
I chose to tell my story in a fictionalized format because I wanted to make it accessible
to all women. And a novel --- a story --- is very accessible. (Besides, I'd never read a
breast cancer memoir until after I was diagnosed.) My novel contains a lot of
the information I wish I'd known before I ever had to hear the words, "It's
cancer," but presents it in a non-threatening way. I hope that after reading my novel
women will feel empowered, less alone and better equipped to handle the "C" word
if it ever comes to that. Hopefully, it won't. But by reading my story they'll have a much
better idea about what's involved in the breast cancer arena --- and that can only make
them better, more supportive friends and family members if someone they care about ever
has to walk down the road I've already traveled.
BRC: Were you an early adopter to the online medium? Was it one of the first places you
turned when you were diagnosed? Do you believe, through your experience, that Internet
support is a valuable and accessible tool for all cancer victims, particularly women with
breast cancer?
LKB: I started using a computer fifteen years ago, so
I'm pretty comfortable with the technology. As a writer I often used the Internet for
research purposes and think I'm amazingly good at finding what I need. (This is not always
a good thing, however, since my mom tends to call with some of the most bizarre requests
to find some discontinued product that she simply must have and just knows I'll be able to
track down.) So yeah, turning to the 'net for information was a no-brainer. Is the
Internet for all women? Of course not. Every woman is different and based on her age and
comfort level, computer research may or may not be a useful tool. But if a woman is at
ease in front of her keyboard, there's a wealth of information out there.
BRC: What Internet sites most helped you in both your personal research and your book
research?
LKB: I didn't have to do a lot of research for my
book. I lived it. But in researching my treatment options I was partial to the Susan G.
Komen website: http://www.breastcancerinfo.com.
Also the NABCO site: http://www.nabco.org.
As far as message boards, I simply LOVE Just Us. The site also has a lot of great
links.You'll find these wonderfully supportive ladies at: members.aol.com/gmcmullen/justhome.htm.
At ivillage.com you can select the allhealth channel; it also has a very active board. (If
you're on AOL you can use keyword AH to get there. This is where I spent a lot of time
during my surgery/treatment.) Another great board for AOL users is at keyword:
healthtalk.
For information about the latest news/studies/trials for breast cancer I don't know that
it gets any better than www.breastcancer.net. They have a wonderful daily e-newsletter
(it's free) with breaking stories from newspapers, magazines and journals around the
world.
BRC: What do you believe is the inherent quality in email that allows women to post
such honest and heartfelt notes about their feelings and experiences online? Do you
believe that, since ultimately words are the way we express ourselves, text is just as
helpful as actually speaking to someone?
LKB: Email is great. It's completely changed the way
we form and maintain relationships. I don't think there's any one reason that online
support has become so popular; I think there are lots of them. But I think a big plus is
the anonymity. Sometimes it's just easier to share our deepest fears and
anxieties with total strangers. You don't have to worry about holding back. You can speak
your mind without worrying what a friend or family member will think of you. It's easier
"talking" to others knowing that you'll never run into them at the supermarket.
And unlike the phone, when you're online no one ever has to hear the tears in your
voice. : - (
But let's face it, another big attraction of online support is that it's convenient.
Time-wise it fits into any schedule, whether you're a night owl, busy with kids, work,
whatever. It's also conveniently located. It's right at your fingertips and you
don't have to drive anywhere --- you don't even have to get dressed! (A real
plus during days when women aren't feeling well or up to driving.) Online support groups
also get you connected with lots of women --- fast. Depending on where women live,
face-to-face support groups may not exist, or meet too sporadically to provide real
comfort. The Internet is available 24/7. Stop me! I sound like an Internet testimonial.
Your last question seems to imply that email might replace phone contact. Don't know about
that; what about the times you want to hear the tears in someone's voice? Or need them to
hear the tears in yours?
BRC: When you were ill did you find this to be a way to be in touch when you were not
up to "talking" to people?
LKB: Not really. When I wasn't up to talking to people
I also wasn't up to sitting upright at a computer. But I'll tell you -- email was a great
way to disguise how rotten I felt. I sometimes sent brief messages to my family (they all
live out of town) just to assure them that I was okay (even when I wasn't).
BRC: As much as it's about breast cancer, your novel is also about the power of
friendship. Did you have an online friendship with a stranger who became a dearest friend?
LKB: No. But I did have a few brief one-on-one
correspondences with a couple different women from the boards. And I read the boards for
many months --- long enough to realize that some of the women did form some very close
ties with one another. Hence the idea for my novel. And you're right. The book is very
much a tribute to women and women's friendships. It illustrates my belief that no matter
how terrific a spouse, brother or father may be, women fill needs in each others' lives
that only other women can fill --- and truly understand.
BRC: You have a website, www.dearstranger.com. When you were writing the book, did you
always envision an accompanying website? What is your email address so our readers might
write you with their comments on the book?
LKB: Readers can send e-mail to
laneykatzbecker@yahoo.com (or through the link on my website). I think it's weird but I
didn't ever think about an accompanying website when I wrote the book. When the topic came
up I resisted getting one and it was my agent Anne Hawkins (of John Hawkins &
Associates) who convinced me otherwise. Like most things Anne recommends, it turned out to
be a great suggestion.
BRC: I think one of the best parts of the book is where Lara outlines that she thought
that a mastectomy was like "scooping out a cantaloupe." She assumed "that
the surgeon cut a woman's skin in some discreet place, like the crease under her breast.
Then he peeled back the skin while he scooped out the cancer and all the breast
tissue." I know that this is what I always thought the surgery was like. Before you
had your surgery, how much did you know?
LKB: Jack shit. I thought the cantaloupe theory was
the way it was done.
BRC: After you were diagnosed, were there any books that you personally found to be
helpful?
LKB: BREAST CANCER: The Complete Guide by doctors
Hirshaut and Pressman. Very readable, easy to understand, non-threatening and
remains my favorite nonfiction book on the topic. I read it cover to cover, then reread
portions, dog-eared, underlined and highlighted the thing almost beyond recognition. But
the book gave me so much valuable information and helped me not only with the answers ---
but the questions.
BRC: Since you make the point that illness affects every member of a family, how did
your children get through this experience with you? Have they read the book and how do
they feel about it? Do they feel that their real-life experiences are being used for good
purposes?
LKB: Like Lara, my kids were also 5-1/2 and 11 at the
time. My 5-1/2 was too young to get it then, and too young to read about it now. My
11-year-old, (Whitney) on the other hand, got it --- BIG TIME. I had both Whit and my
husband read the book before revisions were due, so they could voice any objections and
request any changes before it was too late. Neither had any. I also asked Whitney about
whether or not I could identify the poem, I Remember, as being hers. I would never have
done that without her okay. She's 15 now. Do you know what it's like to embarrass your
teenage daughter? And then have to live with her?!
BRC: What was the reaction of your family and friends to the book after living through
your illness with you?
LKB: Most friends have responded with disbelief. They
said they didn't understand how truly difficult it had been for me. (This is because I
stayed home, refused visitors and phone calls when I was at my worst.) Most friends only
saw me on my "good" days --- at the supermarket, at the gym --- and figured
that's how it was all the time.
BRC: Before writing this book, you were known as a magazine writer. How did this
experience change your work as a writer? Will we see another book from you?
LKB: Now I know I can write something longer than
3,000 words. Seriously. Before sitting down to write my novel I didn't know if I could
complete something so long. I have a short attention span, am easily bored and
didn't know if I'd run out of steam (interest?) before the manuscript was complete. Now I
know. And I'm already working on another book. But aside from telling you that, my lips
are sealed.
BRC: If you had the chance to say ONLY ONE THING to women about breast cancer, what
would you want them to know?
LKB: The two biggest risk factors for developing
breast cancer are being female and growing older. (Nothing we can do about either of those
things, is there?) So don't assume because you eat a ton of broccoli, exercise regularly,
have no family history and eat a low fat diet you're safe. If you're female, you're at
risk. End of story.
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